alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
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