Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
