3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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