Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
