a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
