i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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