quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize