your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
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