Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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