she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
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