I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
