I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
