Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
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