EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
