Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
