Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
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