how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
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