Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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