I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
