we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
