somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
