hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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