Umm I'm too high to move.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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