So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize