Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
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