need another drink. this is the easiest way
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
