i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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