your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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