my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
