if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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