Got a toothbrush?
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
