You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
