Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
