Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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