a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Randomize
