Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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