I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
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