i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
