YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
