If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
And then he peed in my hair
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