Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
On imdb the canadians say It's amazing
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I understand Curling. That high.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
