Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
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