I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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