I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Randomize
