he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize