He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
