CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
