Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
