did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Randomize
