So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
she peed on how many people?
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
