i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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