There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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