Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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