She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Randomize
