I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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