I want to stick my p in your. b.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
