Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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