eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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