its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
