also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
