Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
