You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I smell like Dick and happiness
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
