evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
