so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Randomize
