why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize