At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
