Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Randomize
