Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
