i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
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