Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
you inspire me to be a worse person
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
