Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
