He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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