we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
