I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
