All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
