So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
