saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
