You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
