so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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