i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
