DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
