grandma shit on top of the toilet
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
