Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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