I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
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