Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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