I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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