the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
