Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
